So, I am posting a little early this week for a couple of reasons. First, I had no idea so many loved ones read this. I have been overwhelmed (in a good way) with people checking in on me from my bad week. I am so loved, and I can’t tell you how appreciative I am. I wanted to follow up with something more positive (because there is a lot to be positive about this week!). Second, I will get to post early again next week with an update from Walter Reed.
Walter Reed, you say? THAT’S RIGHT!
IVF ORIENTATION IS NEXT WEEK!!! I repeat, IVF ORIENTATION IS NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, to be precise. And I am so, so, soooooo excited!! “Next Tuesday?”, you may be thinking… “Well, isn’t that six days away?”. Yes, it is. And yes, I am already, shamelessly, packed! It’s been a most chaotic week with many things to do AND I am shooting a wedding on Sunday, so I figured I would do a little preventative maintenance and go ahead and get myself ready to go.
So many feelings this week. I really feel like this is the end of the beginning of our IVF story. I can’t even quell the butterflies that erupt in my stomach when I think down the road that one day I may be writing an “end of the end” of our IVF story and the “beginning of the beginning” of our journey into parenthood. It’s all so exciting. I am so looking forward to seeing the hospital, to meeting the doctors, to hearing our likelihood of success and *hopefully* learning that our cycle dates are right around the corner. While I try to keep my head turned fixedly forward, I can’t help but take a glimpse back and marvel at how far we have come. I can’t imagine a time a year ago where I would be getting on a plane, without Tim, to pursue our dreams of parenthood so far from home. Something I talk a lot about is this thing called the adjacent possible. That thing that wouldn’t be fathomable without all the previous steps. I had some ideas about our adjacent possibles when we said “I do”, but I will admit that it never looked like this in my mind. Not that it’s a bad thing. I think it is quite marvelous, all of these adventures we are getting to undertake. Today, I am thankful for the windy road. I think it will really make the destination so much sweeter.
In all of my excitement about traveling and taking the next steps, I do have a little heartache this week, too. This week I am sad that my Tim won’t be right by my side for this big adventure. It’s a strange thing. We have been planning and saving and hoping and praying for this for so long and now it’s here! We are both so happy and we are both lamenting a little that this is the way it turned out. I know this must be hard for Tim in ways I will never be able to understand. Look, I would be hard pressed to find a man that wouldn’t opt out of the first three months of pregnancy if they could, but it’s a pretty unique situation to not even be there for their first child’s conception. It is such a catch 22. Without Tim being where he is, this opportunity to be treated at one of the best hospitals in the country wouldn’t exist. This huge opportunity comes at a really great cost. I am so grateful for all of the support Tim has given me through this. It must be so difficult to be so encouraging and excited while hiding the flipside of those feelings so as not to kill my buzz about it. I mean, what a sacrifice. You’re going to be such a great dad, Tim. He has really worked very hard to be creative and make me feel loved and supported. If you know me IRL, I am sure you have heard me complain about Tim, deployment, being alone… all of those things. That is just what we do, Tim and I. We are both complainers, but at the end of the day Tim ALWAYS provides. Let me just show y’all this sweet thing he did.
You know, just got me (and him) some light reading and also got ME right in the FEELS. Look, I have never known Tim to be much of a reader. His relationship with letters starts and ends with the ones next to his video game screen (and a ticket book). So, this girl was FLOORED! What a great surprise! Of course, I love to read so I am really looking forward to break into these books and smile with each turn of the page knowing that Tim made this read possible.
I am looking forward to experiencing all the new ways Tim and I will find to stay connected, supportive and as “together” as possible during this long distance process. I know for me, if we are successful, carrying a literal piece of him will make it easier. I need to put my thinking cap on to find ways to make this easier for him. I am seriously guilty of not making this deployment easy. It seems like I am always calling him with business. We aren’t really getting to have the long distance romance the movies show you. I don’t have the time to always be sunshine and roses and good things only when he calls. Most of the time I need vital information, serious decision making and a lot of his focus on less than fun subjects which is made a little more difficult with such a large time difference. He’s really made all of that a lot easier (most of the time) and I couldn’t be more grateful. Every chance he gets, he always reiterates that we are a team. I am not alone. WE are doing this together. And it always seems he lets me know that the very moment I need to hear it most.
This week, send your prayers, good thoughts, calming vibes, texts, uplifting news and love to Tim. I am so lucky to have him by my side through this, there is no way I could do it without him in a hundred different ways. I love you a million times over, Tim.
So, to lighten the mood before I wrap up til next week:
Here are a couple outtakes from earlier 🙂
Til next week, thanks for listening