THERE’S A BABY IN THERE!
We did it! Transfer day was a success. Our embryo is perfect, of course. The thaw went well. The actual transfer was smooth and very quick. They even let me get Tim on the phone to listen in during the procedure.
I completed all my superstitious tasks. I wore my forget-me-not necklace, which keeps all of my eight babies close to my heart. And i also wore my Virgin Mary pendant which is less superstitious and more a source of strength and comfort to me. I’ll never forget visiting the basilica of the Virgin Mary in DC and how much peace and pride all of the images of the Madonna gave me.
I also ate every bit plus some of my pineapple today!
All of the furry kiddos in my house have been super-cling since i got home and I’m so grateful. Their presence always brings me joy.
Tim has been amazing. He’s waited on me hand and foot. He may not have been able to come in, but he has done everything he can to be involved and connected. In the best of times during this trial, it’s hard to be connected to something that isn’t happening to you. But it’s proven extremely difficult with a pandemic and extra precautions. He has certainly risen to the occasion because at the end of the day, you do extraordinary things when you are called to and everything about IVF is extraordinary. I’m sure, much to Tim’s delight, the Valium they gave me pre-transfer made it far more enjoyable and hilarious to take care of me. I was on cloud nine, both chemically and naturally.
Now, we wait. In IVF lingo, i am pregnant until proven otherwise. I already have an appointment for my beta test and will have to repeat that test again to ensure the hcg hormone has double before i am officially pregnant. Our baby has a lot of work to do til then. It has to fully hatch, find the wall of my <chef’s kiss> uterus, bury itself into that wall and start establishing a placenta. It’s a big task! But, it is half Tim and half me. There’s no avoiding the strong willed gene between the two of us.
While that photo of our perfect baby may look like an embryo or a clump of cells or like the base of a strange trifle, that is our baby. Through this entire process, from decision to do IVF day, Tim and i both have been united in our complete conviction to honor and respect life, no matter how difficult. From the moment Tim’s sperm fertilized my egg and those that baby began to grow new cells, it became our baby. And how amazing it is that it happened EIGHT TIMES over all at once. When you wish us well and ask how our embryo is doing, you can ask us how our baby is. The joys of new life and the tragedy of death is all felt in the same measure for us. Our previous loss was no less easy because of the tiny size of baby #1. And the elation of baby #2 is no less incredible because this baby is still so tiny. I know so much of this for people unaffected by infertility is awkward because you don’t know what to say or how to say it. And i hope this blog helps you see a perspective that I’m grateful you may not ever be exposed to. At the very least, you’ll know how we feel about our babies and how better to communicate with us since you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t care deeply for us and our family.
I am hopeful for a sticky baby. I am dedicated to taking this one day at a time. I am grateful to celebrate today. I am humbled by all of our well wishes! I am in love with our precious child. I am a vessel. Today, i am a mother. For an hour, for a month, or maybe until the day I die. And tonight, i will rest easy.