Oh. My. Gosh! A two-fer!! You guys… I was in such an unsure place and, like always – you just lifted me up! Your kind comments, messages and calls warm my heart. This stuff is hard. Coupled with Tim being gone all the time and responsibilities not equaling my energy output, I can really get down. I was so worried about graduating from the fertility clinic. While it means that everything is going great and I’m ready to move on to a “normal pregnancy” (whatever that means…) it is also the signal that my weekly ultrasound visits with the Millikid are also ending. And that is scary!
You all have helped me so much to cope with this transition. My family, my community, always comes through. Sweet Abbie has agreed to come by EVERY DAY to clean my litter boxes. What a weight off me! With Tim gone, it’s a chore that MUST be done that I absolutely cannot do. I can’t thank Abbie enough! I came back to the office today to a plethora of sour candies (which weirdly immediately arrest my nausea) from my co-workers AND this ADORABLE cat hammock for my sweet kittens. They love it.
I have had too many texts to count offering to run errands, grab groceries and even help me clean my house. It is so hard for me to ask for help and I really do get hit deep in the feels when my friends and family shove that help on me because they know I won’t ask. So, I am here to accept all the village of care offered to me. The answer is YES. I don’t know what it is yet, but when I need something doing, I am ready to accept you as you have accepted me and my life story. I am ready to make plans for our future with a little one planted squarely in the middle of our lives. For so long I have wanted this and could not pass the hurdle of realizing that future. But this babe is coming! Just like you all have been trying to convince me. We have SO much to do! I accepted an offer to have a couples shower hosted for us. I literally could cry thinking about an actually baby shower hosted for US. And more than that, the offer come from some of our very best friends who know all too well our struggle to conceive. It is so heartwarming that we have come full circle and finally have entered this season of family growth with the best company.
Of course, this kicks my planning brain into overdrive! Dare I register for baby things? I can’t believe i am actually there! At clinic today, I had my confirming NIPT testing which will tell us baby M’s gender. So exciting! I think we want to announce this with a bang (more on this soon!). What was once a very painful topic, it’s time to get our nursery back in order. If you don’t know this, I set up an entire nursery prior to our Walter Reed cycle. I painstakingly refinished a whole set of furniture, put together a crib, hung curtains and decorated this special room in our home. After our first transfer failed, I left it all together in the hopes that when Tim came home we would immediately try again. Deployment took a lot out of both of us and I needed time to mourn our first loss. It was hard – hard on me, hard on Tim and hard on our marriage. Mentally, emotionally, physically and financially we weren’t ready to try again that soon. And i had a rough time accepting that. Part of my mourning was tearing down that entire room. I sold all the furniture. I quickly filled the room with junk. It needed to have a difference purpose than housing my grief. I hated that room. I wouldn’t open the door, even. But now, I am ready to reinvent this space. I am ready to heal and make it everything I now hope for this baby-on-the-way. If you have ever been to my house, you know i am a hardcore #plantmom. So, we have settled on a jungle theme so we can fill our nursery with life. Big tropical plants, fun animal things and warm accents that will bring me peace. I need this room to bring me joy again and nothing makes me happier than my monstera pushing out a new leaf. So, this is how I will change my mindset about this important space. It also means a lot of work! But, I digress. Let’s get to my clinic visit.
My last Dr. B visit! It was bittersweet but I definitely left the office today with a huge smile on my face. Take a look at the #MilliKid today!
This lil thing was just a wiggle worm today!! Kicking and covering their face and exploring these new limbs they have grown. We measured a full two days ahead of where I actually am. I am 10w1d today and we measured at 10w3d! We had a major growth spurt since last week. Heart rate was strong again this week at 178bpm. My blood pressure is still low at 112/68 and we are all happy about that. And, most importantly, my pregnancy is stable enough to send me on to an ob/gyn. I haven’t decided yet who I will transfer my care to. I have two appointments set up, one next week and another two weeks later. i have a ton of questions for both and I am looking forward to finding the best fit for us. Top of my list is who will let Tim come in for ultrasounds. I know it is harder for him to be connected to this pregnancy already because he isn’t the one doing all the things right now. And its made all the more difficult by him not being able to see what I have seen. That tiny heart fluttering away, the movement of this life inside my belly, the way this baby holds it’s hands to it’s face. I need him to be able to witness that, too. You know, if he’s in town…
So, I am moving onward. I know the journey isn’t a straight line and I may take a step back every now and then but I am in such a better place today. I am felling more normal and more prepared to take on tomorrow instead of residing int he past. Make me accept your help. Keep lifting me up. And i will keep pouring out to you since every once i give you replace threefold.
Next week – reporting from the REGULAR doctor!